What expectations are you holding on to right now? Do these have you stuck and frustrated because they aren’t working out exactly how you expected?
It’s perfectly OK to dream, to create, to have purpose in your life. But, getting fixated on how you will get there and trying to control every step of the way is not helpful. You will get caught up in the details and forget to enjoy the process.
Take something as simple as cleaning your house. Say it takes you 3 hours to reach your clean house goal. As you are going about the process, the vacuum runs out of battery. You notice a stain in the kids bedroom from what you can only assume is the slime that you told them NOT to play with on the carpet. Your partner has left their dirty clothes no where useful for yo u to tidy up. EVERYONE has left their dishes next to the sink instead of putting them straight in the dishwasher. And all you keep thinking about is “how ungrateful are these humans” “I’ve told them so many times….” “It’s going to take me so much longer now.” “There goes my self care time..”
Detachment does not mean detaching from from your wants and needs. It’s about allowing yourself to let go of the emotional investment you have in attaining these wants and needs in a specific way.
When something doesn’t happen as you expect it, how do you respond? If you start to feel things like frustration, anger or despair, it means that you have an attachment to the details. As you start to ruminate over the situation and all the things attached to it, you step out of the present moment, spiral deeper into your emotions and allow them to rule the moment.
Detachment in this space means looking at the situation and understanding it has happened, however it has. It may put you out, and you should allow yourself to feel the pang of emotions. They are there to help you create change. But staying stuck on the fact “it didn’t happen how I wanted/needed/expected it” will not allow you to look at things from new perspectives and see the solution.
Attachement leaves you stuck in a moment, looking backwards and swamped by negative emotions. Where as detachment brings you into the present moment, where peace, contentment and faith in the future helps you look forward.
Once you have reached that moment in life where one thing doesn’t happen as you expect it, it has passed. Nothing can be done to change that moment. It is wise to acknowledge that you can’t control every single situation. You also can’t change what other people do or do not do. You can only control how you feel about the situation. By letting go of that expectation, you can live in the present moment and avoid getting caught up in all your negative emotions. You can then, happily and contently move forward in life, looking for another, if not better, path to reach your goals.
Attachment to an outcome to come creates an obstacle towards your potenial.
Imagine being like water in a stream, with the gravity pulling you towards your purpose, your dreams. You are guided by the earth on this journey. If you don’t go with the flow and attach yourself to moments, you get stuck in a pool or sucked up by the earth. But if you let go and go with the flow, its an effortless ride where you get to see the sites, experience many things and learn along the way.
So, when you fear things aren’t going exactly how you want it, and you’re getting wound up by negative thoughts and emotions like fear or anger and frustration:
- Take a step back and breathe.
- Feel the emotions and acknowledge why they are there
- Allow the emotion to dissipate
- Let go of your attachment to the details.
- Acknowledge what you can and can’t control.
- Be present, go with the flow anduse that energy to continue to create your life as you desire.
