A person who is independent has security in who they are, feels a strong sense of self worth and feel like they have significance in this world. This is where we love ourselves no matter what is happening around us.

interdependence

Only from independence, interdependence can grow. This is the healthiest way we can interact with other people in our lives. Society thrives on interdependent relationships. These are mutually beneficial, where we have a healthy awareness of other peoples needs, yet staying independent while being fully connected.

The Co-dependency Drama Triangle of Self-Hate

The "Codependency Triangle" is a concept that illustrates the dynamics of codependent relationships through three key roles or positions: the Rescuer, the Victim, and the Persecutor. This concept is often associated with transactional analysis and is used to describe how individuals in codependent relationships can play different roles at different times, perpetuating the cycle of dysfunction. Let's break down these roles:

Rescuer

The Rescuer is often driven by a strong desire to help and care for others, sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice. They take on the role of the caregiver or savior, believing that they are responsible for solving the problems and meeting the needs of others, especially the Victim. Rescuers tend to be nurturing and selfless but can also become frustrated and resentful when their efforts aren't appreciated or when they neglect their own needs.

Victim

The Victim, as the name suggests, often portrays themselves as helpless, powerless, or in need of constant support. They may rely on others, particularly the Rescuer, to fix their problems and provide emotional or practical support. Victims may resist taking responsibility for their own lives and actions, which can lead to a sense of powerlessness and dependency on others.

Prosecutor

The Persecutor is the role in which someone adopts a critical, controlling, or even aggressive attitude towards others, typically the Rescuer and the Victim. They might blame, criticize, or belittle those around them. Persecutors may feel a need to maintain control and can sometimes use tactics like manipulation or coercion to get their way.

The Dynamic

It's important to note that individuals in codependent relationships can shift between these roles, and one person may take on multiple roles at different times. some examples,

1. a Rescuer may become frustrated and move into the Persecutor role when their efforts go unappreciated or when they feel overwhelmed.
2. Similarly, a Victim might occasionally resist the help of a Rescuer, taking on a Persecutor role themselves.
3. The Prosecutor may turns into the victim when the rescuer tries to rescue the prosecutor.

These dynamics can create a cycle of dysfunction and maintain the codependent relationship.

Can Kinesiology help with healing from Co-dependency?

Breaking free from the Codependency Triangle starts with recognising these roles and the unhealthy patterns. Getting professional support can help with making lasting changes in your relationships. Through the use of the ICPKP protocol and co-dependency techniques, I help the client with self-awareness, and provide tools to help individuals to learn healthier relationship skills, establish boundaries, develop more balanced relationships, and avoid falling into these codependent roles. The goal is to move toward, self care and self responsibility which will ultimately lead to healthier, more mutually supportive interactions with others.

Why might you want to consider looking at Co-dependency and these relationship patterns?

• You feel like you experience the drama triangle in your relationships.
• You want to feel more secure and independent in your relationships or in your life.
• You want to have more mutually beneficial relationships that add to your life.

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Autumn

Autumn is that time of the year where the peak of summer is well over and the days start to get shorter and cooler. In nature, we see the effects of this when the tree's lush green leaves turn orange and brown before they are discarded by the tree. It is then able to turn its focus inwards, preserving its energy and life force over the winter months and gearing up for the warmer days to come. The plants that don't have the resources to survive through the winter spread their seeds, so in Spring their legacy can continue. It is a time where many animals and humans would gather and harvest food that will help nourish them through the winter. For us, Autumn is a time for organising, planning and introspection. We must prepare ourselves for the cooler shorter days of winter. A time where we need to preserve our energy and use what we have wisely. The trees' shedding of leaves is symbolic of letting go of what no longer serves our growth and development. Just as the trees shed their leaves, we can shed negative thought patterns, behaviours or relationships that do not align with our values and goals. It is also a great time to finish up our projects we worked on over the summer and enjoy the results of all your hard work.

Autumn's message is to embrace change, let go of the old and make space for the new. It is an opportunity to reflect on what has been and to look forward to what is yet to come. It is the perfect time to reflect on the balance in our lives and to make adjustments where necessary. Balancing our work and personal life, balancing our physical, mental and emotional health are crucial for our overall well-being

Kinesiology is a great tool for helping you to shed those leaves that no longer serve you. Book a session today.

Recovering from Post-Viral Symptoms with Kinesiology

Post-viral symptoms are a set of physical and mental symptoms that can persist for weeks or months after a person has recovered from a viral infection. These being some of the most common: COVID-19, influenza, or Epstein-Barr virus. These symptoms can vary widely but often include fatigue, brain fog, muscle weakness, joint pain, and mood changes. While some people recover from post-viral symptoms quickly, others may require a comprehensive approach. This is where kinesiology can be a valuable tool. [...]

The Kidney's and Bladder are the main organs of our Urinary Tract. They both have important functions in maintaining our health. Urinary tract issues have been a regular issue with clients recently so I thought I would write a little blog to explain how kinesiology may be of benefit to people with urinary tract issues. [...]

Navigating personal growth and wellness with Kinesiology

When everything in our life seems to be going well, it can be easy to neglect the importance of personal growth and self-improvement. We may think that because we are not facing any major challenges or experiencing any significant pain, there is no need to work on ourselves. However, it is during these times of calm and contentment that we have the opportunity to dig deeper into the core issues holding us back from truly thriving in life.

Kinesiology is a powerful tool that can help us achieve this. It is a holistic approach to health and wellness that focuses on the balance and interaction of the body, mind, and spirit. By using muscle testing, kinesiology practitioners can identify imbalances in the body that are causing physical or emotional discomfort, and then work to rebalance those areas.

Our body likes to work with the most recent issues first

One of the most important aspects of our bodies healing pattern,  is that it prefers for us to work on ourselves from the outside in, starting with the latest pain or discomfort and then moving deeper into the underlying issues.  if our external world is a representation of what's going on inside it would make sense that our physical and emotional experiences are often interconnected, and by working on one area, we can often impact the other.

Feeling good is the perfect time to go deeper

So even when we are feeling good and life seems to be going well, it is important to keep up with kinesiology sessions. By doing so, we can delve into the next layer of our personal growth and healing, uncovering hidden issues that may be holding us back from reaching our full potential.

For example, we may have a history of anxiety or stress that we have learned to manage and keep under control. However, this does not mean that it has been fully resolved. Through kinesiology, we can explore deeper into the roots of our anxiety or stress, potentially uncovering past traumas or limiting beliefs that are still affecting us on a subconscious level.

This is another reason why we suggest a few sessions. You may feel great after the first couple of sessions. but to really leave those old patterns behind, it helps to dig deeper and make sure those roots are fully dealt with.

Kinesiology makes the hard part of confronting our inner shadows easy

Working on ourselves in this way can be challenging, as it requires a willingness to confront our inner shadows and be vulnerable with ourselves. However, it is also incredibly rewarding, as it allows us to make progress towards our goals and experience a deeper sense of peace and contentment.

Using Kinesiology wo work on ourselves is a powerful tool that can help us achieve personal growth and healing, even when everything in our life seems to be going well. With the use of muscle testing, we can continue to delve deeper into core issues and reach our full potential. So even when things seem great, never underestimate the power of personal growth and keep up with kinesiology sessions to support your ongoing journey towards self-improvement.

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How can I have more time?

A number of my clients lately have been struggling with focus. Even my own life has felt like a big explosion of scattered thinking and lack of productivity. I've had so much going on I’ve felt hard pressed to keep up.

The main culprit for this scattered thinking and a lack of productivity is our perception of TIME!

“Killing time” “save time” “all the time in the world” “time waits for no-one” “not enough time” “not enought hours in the day” “wasting time” “time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.” “Making up for lost time” “yesterday’s the past, tomorrow is the future, but today is a gift, thats why we call it the present” “If you want something done give it to a busy person” In todays society we rely heavily on time to plan and organise ourselves, complete tasks, Carry out social engagements, and feed ourselves. In a way we use our idea of time to control our life. But, sometimes, this can restrict us as we put pressures on ourselves to fit things into this framework. That said, we do have to live in modern society. So we do have to live with this concept of time. Therefore, it is in our best interest to harness its power and get the most out of it.

Did You Know?

We are making far more choices than our ancestors had to make and we have far less “time” to do them in.

When you look back to your life in your younger years, we all had less responsibilities, less things we knew about, less daily goals and things we believed were important to do and think about. We lived in a more present headspace. Dealing with life as it happened to us. Fast forward to where you are now.  You may now have kids to look after and engage, a job to hold down, or a business to keep afloat. You may have a house to clean, your friendships to nurture, mouths to feed, money to make and spend etc. I’m sure you feel it,  your responsibilities and your goals have now grown and multiplied, and available time appears to have reduced dramatically. As you try to cram more into every hour of every day so you can reach success, it becomes hard to focus on the tasks at hand. All the things on your to do list fill up the spaces in your mind, taking you away from the present moment. You forgo self care in order to get on top of everything. but more just piles up. The lack of presence hinders your ability to complete all or any of the tasks efficiently. All the while you are wishing you had more time.

5 ways to have more time.

1. Stop trying to do everything at once!!

Our brain doesn't know the difference between us imagining or thinking about something and actually doing it. So, When you are constantly thinking about ALL the things you have to do, your brain tells your body to start doing all these things now. Your mind jumps from task to task, and your body tries to keep up. No wonder you feel like you are constantly fighting for control.

1. Plan out all of the things that need to me done. Put them down on a piece of paper. Get them out of your head so you can focus on one task at a time.
2. Practice being present during each task. When you are eating your food. Remove all other thoughts and focus on the food in your mouth.
3. Make an effort to enjoy each of your tasks. Finding pleasure and joy in each moment makes it easier to be present. Even if it is something you hate doing.

2. Clean Out Your Life!

Having a full life can be great. but when it is busy and cluttered, it makes it hard to be present and enjoy life. Even more so if it is full of things that you hate doing.

1. Eliminate activities, things and responsibilities from your life that are not important and bring you no joy.
2. Delegate activities that can be delegated. - organise a cleaner, ask for help where needed.
3. Employ some time management tools or techniques.
4. Make time time to refill your batteries. You can't keep going if you have no energy or drive.

3. Shift your Focus.

How good does it feel when you suddenly realise you had more time than you thought?  You feel a sense of peace wash over you, time appears to slow down, Your thoughts slow down, it becomes easier to be mindful in your tasks, you become more present in the moment and are able to easily and more effectively cope with life. THAT is the feeling you want. Even when you are experiencing a life that is full. When you are in this state, its easier to not have all those “to do’s” vying for your attention all at once, you have the potential to focus your mind and actions on doing the tasks at hand to the best of your ability. AND your body and mind isn’t constantly in overdrive. Instead of responding to "How are you?" with "Busy" try "Life is full at the moment" Instead of "I don't have enough time" try "I will make time to get my tasks done" instead of "What a waste of time" try "I used that time less wisely than I could have" Make yourself believe you have enough time!

4. Plan for a long life!! 

“Life is short” or  “live today like you are going to die tomorrow” are great sentiments.  However, they are not beneficial when you already suffer from anxiety about not having enough time. Subconsciously or Consciously telling ourselves we have limited time for life left, not only puts our body on a path of physical degeneration, but also makes us feel even more so like "I need to get it all done now." There are studies that show we have the biological potential to live to 115years. and the current life expectancy for our generation is in the mid to late 80's. That is quite a long life really. So why, when we are still so young, do we stress out about getting everything done? I have been having children come into my clinic with massive anxiety, and one of their things is that their bodies believe that 8 is middle aged for them. not 45 or 60 even. Give yourself the perception of more time on this Earth to get all you need done. Your body will start regenerating to support you!

5. Stop with the consequences. Focus on the benefits.

“Quick” “Hurry up“ “If you don't do this now, there will be consequences” - things I'm sure you've heard yourself or your parents say a million times. Quite effective really. but, definitely not helpful. Have you ever thought about how the "hurry up or else...", could potentially be the foundations for your overwhelm about getting things done?? 

Stop focusing your attention on the consequences of not getting thing done on time AND shift your focus onto what the benefits will be! When we put our mind on the benefits of being on time:

• The focus is on winning rather than losing.
• We feel empowered to achieve rather than being fearful of punishment.
• The process is enjoyable rather than surviving through it.
• Accomplishment means Joy rather than relief.

At the end of the day, life is going to happen, how its going to happen.

We can’t control everything that happens in our daily life. We can only control how we react and feel about what happens. We will have interruptions, cancelations lots of time, not enough time, feel bored, overwhelmed...BUT, How we approach these experiences will either give us the ability to cope with whatever comes our way, or turn into a crumpled heap on the floor.  The best way to do that is by living presently in every moment, Believing in our abilities and focusing our attention on getting things done.

Need help finding the clarity and bringing productivity back into your life? book a session with me today! :)

Your Life is FULL of Relationships.

Parent-Child ~ Colleague ~ Lovers ~ Friends ~ Business

What is a healthy relationship?

Relationships are highly important for our wellbeing. When our relationships are healthy, it provides us the security and support we need to live our lives to the fullest. When our relationships are not healthy, and we dont feel supported or secure, its easy for our fight or flight system, to activate and our health can decline quickly and easily. For a healthy relationship to occur, you both have to be a part of creating a space for open communication. It can be incredibly helpful for you both to constantly assess your own expectations, beliefs, actions and reactions and communicate these things with each other. Learning how to actively listen to each other and understand each others truth is just as important as communicating your needs.

Is it okay to have high expectations?

The expectations we have of the relationships in our life, are a reflection of our needs. Having expectations and needs met in a relationship, help us to feel safe, secure and happy. This is one of the core elements to our wellbeing. It is 100% okay to have these needs, and it is ok to have expectations that people will meet these, as long as these expectations aren't taking away from the other persons needs. It is what we do when these expectations aren't met, that can make a healthy relationship or an unhealthy one. It is not helpful to demand that your needs are met nor is it wise to push our frustrations to the side and carry on like nothing has happened. It can create more harm than good...for both parties.  We not only need to communicate our needs, our expectations, and desires but also openly listen to the needs and capacity of the other person. It is in this space, that we can safely adjust our expectations to suit the relationship and the needs of everyone involved. Holding onto these frustrations often means placing blame. Pointing the finger is what keeps us in this loop. We end up focusing on what it is we are NOT wanting to experience or not getting. We end up remembering what has happened in the past and anticipate what will happen or be said (or not done) in the future. We then go into each interaction expecting a certain response, and, we act according to that story we are expecting. This perpetuates our experiences.

Is the story true and are you truly listening?

We are always interpreting other peoples words and actions through our own filters. So, If you think about it, we are always going to see our own version of a situation. Particularly if we are setting expectations and anticipating other peoples reactions. We are then only focusing our mind on the details we 'know', and are essentially not taking in any new information that might give us a different insight into the situation. We are essentially creating our own truth, that may in fact be false. This is where you are likely to end up with many miscommunications and misunderstandings that add tension to your relationships and impact your own self esteem. It is true that sometimes something might be outside of our comprehension, but most of the times, we just simply aren't making the effort to understand. In a conversation, it can be helpful to reflect what they have said back to them how you perceive it.

Doing the best we can with the resources we have!

MOST of the time the people in our lives don't realise to what extent their words or actions are triggering us. Even if they are, their response is likely part of a default mode that has been set up often to protect them. They may not know how to change their response, or, that they can even. They say that insanity is doing things the same way and expecting a different result. If you were to change the part your played in your interactions with those in your relationships would you get different results? At the end of the day we need to remind ourselves that we are all expressing ourselves the best we can in each moment. let's learn to understand each other.

Can people change when in a relationship?

It takes two to tango, but one to take the lead. If you want to change the current state of your relationship, you have to be the one to make the first steps. This doesn't mean changing FOR the other person. This means changing yourself to who you want to be in the relationship. Once you shift yourself to who you desire to be, You feel more content and happy within yourself.  It is much easier to come from a place of love in this state, showing them the healthy ways to communicate their needs and desires. You then become a beacon of light to the other person and they may consciously or unconsciously choose to make the changes to fit your new space you have created.

How to have a good relationship

1. Express your feelings and needs in a healthy way.

It can be really easy to point fingers and say "you are doing this to me". But, although their actions might trigger pain, it is our experience of our emotions that feels that way. Once we take responsibility for our feelings and stop blaming the other person, we can start to understand why we feel the way we do and articulate it clearly. We then stop pushing the other person in our relationship away (when we really want them closer) and start to create the environment we want in the relationship. Our feelings and reactions are valid, we just need to articulate them in a way that is clear. One of the healthy ways I find helps to communicate is to start with: I am feeling: - Not, "You make me feel" but "I am feeling.....about.....". This takes the blame away from them. It also gives you a moment to really think about and understand the feelings you are experiencing. I am wanting: Say what you need and want. it might be from the other person, it might be something the other person can help with. I am willing to: What are you willing to do on your behalf to help that situation. or maybe there are even things that you are unwilling to do in the situation.. Using this framework gives you time to think about what you are feeling and wanting, gives the opportunity for the other person to understand what they can do to help you and feel more empowered to help.

2. Listen and respond consciously in your relationships

The longer we have known someone, we stop really being present with them and listening to them. It can be easy to hear them talking and, due to past conversations, assume their meaning. When we start responding in a conscious way, with love and awe like we once did, we will be surprised at how much the other people stop pressing our buttons and start responding with love also. Suddenly we are listening and hearing each other in different ways. Often, in ways that help us to feel supported, and heard. Remember, we are always growing learning and changing. So are the other people in our lives (if we give each other the opportunity to do so).

3. Stop expecting the worst, and start looking for (and being grateful for) the best.

When we focus our attention on the things that we want to change in our relationships, and the things that make us unhappy, we miss out on experiencing the things that do make us happy. We need to start taking more note of the things we are grateful for AND Express those to the people in our lives. If they are only hearing us say how we want them to change, they will never feel good enough. If we express the things that we are grateful for, they are more likely to do more of what we like.

"You never give me enough attention" ~~~~~~> "It felt amazing to watch the sunset with you the other night" 

4. Heal your trauma and past hurts.

For some of you reading this you may feel there is trauma and insecurities that are too powerful for you to feel safe enough in your relationships to express yourself and to stop expecting the worst.  This is where you may need support to heal past hurts and create new securities and tools to support yourself and help you feel safe. Kinesiology is a great tool that can be used to help release and repattern these experiences, release emotions from cellular level of the body and help you move forward.

5. Be 100% YOU in your relationships.

Know yourself. Be clear on your needs, your wants, your values, and live by those. You have to feel comfortable with yourself and your needs in a relationship. If you are trying to fill an emptiness within yourself through your relationships, you won't be able to ask for what you need and communicate clearly. Spend time filling yourself up and doing things that bring you joy and contentment and help you get a deeper understanding of yourself. The more you understand and feel confident within yourself, the more you can be yourself in relationships. When you can be yourself in a relationship, you don't need to give away your power to feel appreciated. Your mind will be able to think clearly, you will feel less reactive and you will feel more comfortable expressing what you feel and what you need. This leaves you with more energy and vitality to feed into those important relationships in your life.

If you Need Help being the best version of you in your relationships.

Sometimes we need outside support to align with who we want to be. Hhere are a number of tools in my Kinesiology toolkit to help identify the factors in your growth and healing Healing trauma and aligning the body and the mind  with our desired outcomes is my passion. If you would like to talk more with me about how I can help you can contact me here, or you can book yourself in for an appointment today. PLEASE NOTE: If you are reading this and are in a relationship where you do not feel safe in any capacity to be your own person, or express how you feel. You can access 24/7 counselling support at 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)  

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